Older Parents

Having a Baby at 40: What’s the difference?

July 24, 2017 By Michelle McMullen

So what’s it like having a baby at 40? Pretty much the same as having a baby at any other age. Well, sort of.

Having a baby at 40 – the potential downside:

1. If you are pregnant, you are Advanced Maternal Age.

You are most definitely considered advanced maternal age, or even a geriatric pregnancy. Ouch! (Nothing like making a new mom-to-be feel like a grandma instead.)

What does this really mean? It means that your doctor is going to watch you closely, especially at the end of your pregnancy. It is important because there are diseases that may have been dormant and can manifest when the body is under the stress of pregnancy. There is also a higher risk of genetic issues with baby, birth defects and birth complications. (I am a case-in-point but we’ll talk about that another time.) There will be lots of ultrasounds and stress tests (like way more than any mom under 35 with a normal pregnancy). Some doctors will also automatically refer to you as “high risk” while others are more comfortable as long as your pregnancy is otherwise going fine.

2. Growing Apart

I’m not talking about your spouse or partner here so much as maybe your friends. Many of our friends had been childless either by choice, default, or infertility. The rest had teenagers or even college age children. By then they were ready to be empty nesters. I am pretty certain that there were those in both camps who thought that we were nuts for starting a family when we did. My experience was that they became more distant or dropped out of our lives altogether after the baby came home. This makes some sense because aren’t relationships really based on shared interests? Now we were going in very different directions.

3. Tired, oh.so.tired…

Let’s face it, energy levels drop as we get older. It’s a natural thing as our bodies age and hormones shift. The sleep deprivation of a normal newborn, let alone a colicky one, is torture. Self-care is pretty much mandatory for older parents to keep up with their new little ones.

4. Retirement, what retirement?

If you are bringing home your first baby either through adoption or pregnancy, chances are you’ve spent some money to get there. In an age where income is not keeping up with inflation, this can be a real issue for future retirement.

Having a baby at 40 – the potential upside:

1. Financial Stability

Likely by now you’ve been working for years. You may have put some money away so you are more prepared for the cost associated with having a family. If this is you, rock on!

2. Emotional Maturity

This is a big one really. I mean our maturity level in our 40s versus our 20s? Hands down, 40s win. We’ve learned a lot at this point in our lives about what really matters and we’ve waited for this moment. Hopefully we are able to savor the time that much more and soak it all in as they grow all too fast.

3. Relationship Stability

If this is a couple becoming first-time parents, chances are the relationship is more stable as the partners are more mature. Typically they are better at handling conflict which means a more peaceful home. This gives the child a more stable environment overall.

4. Gratitude

We all know how important gratitude is in general. It is especially powerful here. Parents who’ve waited until their forties to start a family have likely been through infertility treatment or adoption. They may have experienced miscarriage or neonatal loss. Many of these babies are “rainbow babies”, aptly named for the beauty they bring after a loss, much like the rainbow after a storm. Parents are grateful and a child senses this. The parents may also therefore be more attuned and appreciative of all of the little things. I know that for me personally, this translates into my love of photography. The moments pass so quickly and I just want to capture these precious days while I can.

If you became a first-time parent at 40+, I’d love to hear your experience. Come on over, join the community, and grab a cup of coffee or tea and chat!

Ch-ch-changes: My First Symptoms of Perimenopause

July 18, 2017 By Michelle McMullen

OK, so it’s not like Perimenopause was really something that I was expecting, right? I mean, I had just turned 45 which is young, no? I wasn’t thinking about the dreaded “change” initially, but I had some things going on that I couldn’t ignore.

My Symptoms of Perimenopause

There are more symptoms than I list here, but these are the ones that I’ve experienced.

Moodiness

I was finding myself extremely emotional about everything. Patience with my children was especially lacking. It made life extremely challenging. My moods were all over the place and completely out of control!

Weight Gain and/or Redistribution

Oh and the weight gain, yea, the pounds were suddenly packing on overnight and I hadn’t changed much over the last few years in my eating/exercise habits (or lack thereof). I mean, baby suddenly had back (and not the good kind)!

Heart Rhythm Changes

One of the scariest symptoms of Perimenopause that I’ve experienced were the heart palpitations and occasional racing heartbeat. The nurse in me was totally overthinking it. I thought that I needed an immediate cardiac work up.

Hot Flashes

Though not often, the hot flashes started. They were mild, but they were definitely there.

Menstrual Cycle Changes

I then started having menstrual cycle changes. I actually had two periods about 18 days apart. I also had a LOT of vaginal dryness which is really uncomfortable.

Hair Loss and Redistribution

The hair loss has also been really disturbing. My hair started falling out after I gave birth to my son, but it was suddenly much faster. I’ve been fortunate in that I am not growing more facial hair.

Forgetfulness

And then there is the brain fog/forgetfulness. I pretty much couldn’t remember what my kids had asked to eat like 30 seconds ago. My son started telling me that I had a bad memory and he was only 4 – UGH!

Now mind you, I have PCOS too, so much of this could be attributed to that, but these things were all pretty new for me as I’d never really fit the classic picture of PCOS.

Validating My Symptoms

I was telling a friend about my symptoms and that I was thinking it might be the start of Perimenopause. She said, “Your mom may not be alive, but you have two older sisters. Have you asked them?” Well, DUH. Why didn’t I think of that? When I called my oldest sister, I could almost hear her head bobbing over the phone as she said, “Yes, Mom was around 44/45 and so was I when it started.” She then validated basically every one of my symptoms. If you are suspecting any of this, my first suggestion would be to call your mother or sister and ask what it was like for them. It will likely be similar for you.

Doing My Homework

With some research, I discovered that these are pretty much textbook symptoms of Perimenopause(see resources below). I had no idea as I’d never really thought much about it before. At my GYN appointment shortly after all of this and the doctor’s head nodded wildly as I described everything. She did an ultrasound and I am still ovulating, but does that mean anything? Not really, I guess. Perimenopause is a phase that women go through before menopause and it lasts anywhere from 5 – 10 years. Menopause is defined as the absence of a menstrual cycle for one year. The average age for a woman to reach Menopause is 51 but ranges anywhere from 45 to 55 years old.

My symptoms seem to ebb and flow, which I expect for now. I have also made lifestyle changes to support myself with both PCOS and Perimenopause. I’ve learned that diet and exercise are critical in hormone balance. I’ll be sharing more about the lifestyle changes I’ve made here and in our community. Come on over and join us!

Resources:

Menopause. MedlinePlus. https://medlineplus.gov/menopause.html.

Perimenopausal Bleeding and Bleeding After Menopause. American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. http://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Perimenopausal-Bleeding-and-Bleeding-After-Menopause.

Our Journey: Pregnant at 40 with PCOS

July 8, 2017 By Michelle McMullen

Getting pregnant seems so easy, right? Many couples try hard to avoid it and still end up with unplanned pregnancies. And then, there are those of us who struggle with infertility. There are so many infertility diagnoses out there, including the dreaded “unexplained infertility”(the catch-all diagnosis). We could be here forever discussing them all. I will stick with what I know (and have), PCOS (a.k.a. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and a uterine septum.

PCOS Infertility

This topic will be covered more in-depth in future posts, so for the purposes of this post, I will keep it simple. Women with polycystic ovaries have cysts covering their ovaries. Some months they may ovulate, and others not. This endocrine disorder causes a host of various metabolic & health issues. PCOS infertility is just one of them. Many women with this disease can actually be more fertile when they are older and find themselves pregnant (ahem, case in point). There is no cure for PCOS, however it is managed with diet, exercise, and for some, either herbal supplements or medications.

Uterine Septum

Basically, when a woman’s uterus forms during her own fetal development, it starts as two tubes that fuse. For some of us, there is a piece of tissue in the middle of the uterus that never dissolves as it should. If you looked at my uterus from the outside, it would look normal. On the inside, there was a piece of tissue hanging down. This tissue does not have the rich blood lining that the rest of the uterus has and that an embryo requires for implantation and survival. This puts women with septums at higher risk for early miscarriages. Fortunately, there is a surgical procedure to remove this extra piece of tissue. Hooray for one easy fix!

Infertility Treatments

I’d been aware of these diagnoses since my late 20s while in my first marriage, and I’d had one surgery for the septum. Fast forward almost 10 years. I was 37 and my husband and I were actively trying to conceive. I started with my regular OB/GYN who told me that he’d seen many patients with PCOS conceive easily with just Clomid. After a few unsuccessful rounds of Clomid, I began seeking an infertility specialist. I wasn’t getting pregnant, nor was I getting any younger. Well, good thing that I did! Lo and behold, there was some residual uterine septum, so my new doctor started by surgically removing it. At the time I was also doing acupuncture and eating gluten free. Then began our series of IUIs…

Adoption

Again, I will go with the short version for now, but after 3 failed IUIs, we made the decision to move on to adoption. In order to do that, we had to stop all fertility treatments and my doctor had to sign papers affirming that we had done so. This was a requirement of the adoption home study. I did however continue acupuncture for hormone balancing as well as eating gluten free. Two weeks after our first home study visit, SURPRISE! For the first time ever, I was pregnant. We were over the moon. We called our adoption team with our decision to hold on the adoption. But alas, it was not to be. The baby had no heartbeat. We were devastated and heartbroken, but our clocks were ticking. I was now 39 and my husband was 48 so we took a month off then resumed the adoption process.

Finally Pregnant!

Two weeks after completing the 4th and final home study visit, my cycle was late again. I had another positive pregnancy test. Needless to say, we were a little more careful in allowing ourselves to feel any kind of excitement this time. Thankfully, that baby is now a happy, healthy 5 year-old boy!

So what was the secret to our polycystic ovaries pregnancy? More to come on that in my upcoming series with a Reproductive Endocrinologist and my acupuncturist!

Like what you’ve read and want more? Come on over and join the Community